Are friends a gift or curse to your romantic relationship? So, I was watching Judge Mathis and a 44 year old was suing his 21 year old ex-girlfriend. He went on to say that the reason for the breakup was because she chose to go to a sonogram to support her single friend vs. spending time with him on his day off. He repeatedly stated that she'd put her friends "before him."
It brought me back to a Martin stand up where he'd always want to "Kick it with Craig and em'." His punchline was "Oh you want to spend quality time today. Well, I had told Craig and em' I was gon' kick it with dem , see ya one I see ya. Peeace" At the end of that skit, he was no longer with the young woman due to Craig and em'.
So, my question is, how much time with the girls or boys should be deemed as just "to much" and/or detrimental to a romantic relationship?
Is it important to maintain quality time with your friends even at the expense of your romantic relationships?
Is it actually good for your romantic life to have your occasional "girls night out" or "boys night out?"
Lastly, at what point, if any, do you decide to say to hell with your friends and your primary focus is putting time in to mantain and promote a healthy relationship with your romantic partner?
Your thoughts?
**Special Photo Shout out to my closest friends..Minus Big Ang ,Tracy, and Moh! I didn't like my hair in any of the photo opps that we had!**
13 comments:
With a woman I'll say it depends on the man,if he's still hanging with his boys then don't dismiss your girls, men always want a change or your end,they're selfish, and once you've dismissed your friends, next thing you know his friends is family and they're together all the time, he's going outside as they call it and got the nerve to tell you to go somewhere, my husband favorite line is go over yo momma house for a little while I don't want you sitting home on this nice day, you're alone cause you aint got no friends, then you dig up an old friend go visit, but because you're accustomed to being with him all the time, when he aint with the boys, you wanna go back home, BORING, then he comes home late night with something for you, wine,plate of food from a cook out or something, a story about how his day went, don't bother to ask about your day that WAS boring, and you know what he wants now right,,,,, and if you get a new friend, his hanging out starts to decrease and because he's home, don't let him fool you, excuse my french his ass don't want you have no friends he wants to be the only one,, but hey that could just be me, slightly living in the spotlight....no offense men I'm just describing my man, but I love him though (selfish)
Love the pictures.
It is up to the couple. Some couples like to be all up in each others faces. Other couples like space. I think you have to get to know your man or woman and determine what works for yall.
I don't plan on ever giving up my friends at any point for my man. Married or not. Hey, that could be why I'm not married now.
I feel it is important for each person in a relationship to maintain separate identities and friendships outside of each other. He should kick it with his boys and she should still hang with her girls. People seem to get tired of one another when they are all up in each others faces all day and night. Thats not cool and I totally believe in Absence making the heart grow fonder. I also feel that time apart will make your time together much more special and each person will look forward to that special one on one time. No man wants a woman trippin on where he is all the time and women need some female bonding time as well. I cant stand a man who is all up in my face. That is a big turn off. Now men sometimes take this overboard. IMO, it is a little homo to want to be in a sausage fest all day, every day. Thats not natural either. And some men use this as an excuse to man whore around town. But if you come across one like that, he isnt worth it. And in that instance, you will be glad you still have your girls to roll with. Far to often I see women who cut everything off with their friends to be with a man, and when it goes sour, they are back trying to blend in with you and your new crew (feeling all left out). Avoid that mess at all costs. You can have a man and friends too.
In my opinion, true friends are a gift. If you feel like your "friend" is a curse to your relationship, then they aren't a friend, they're a hater....watch your back because they could be after your mate.
As far as a dude kickn it with his boys, that’s fine with me. I know for a sure fire fact that will never give up my homegirls for my man. In one of my previous relationships, I ended up doing something thing like and it most certainly did not turn out for the best. Your girls are your girls for a reason. Just like your man's boys are his boys for a reason. Now, I totally disagree with either individual hanging out with anyone that will be detrimental to your relationship. An occasional girls night out or fellas night out is cool, but when chilln with the fellas or your homegirls turns into an every other day event or every weekend event, it's time to revaluate what is more important to you. If you'd rather chill without your mate all of the time, then maybe you shoulda never gotten into a relationship in the first place. (lol)That's just my opinion...and I still don't like that picture of me lol!
Soror, I have been married 2 years and my husband has some hateration going on about the time I spend with my Sorors. I guess it's because he doesn't have as active a social life as I do. I notice for example, if I go out 2 weekends in a row, all of a sudden he'll say he's going to Brooklyn to hang out with his boys.
I take him to as many functions as his schedule will allow though because he is my better half and I want to include him in all or at least most aspects of my life. I noticed that with alot of Sorors you NEVER see their husbands. We even joke and call them "phantom" husbands! LOL. It's like, is this woman REALLY married, because I never see her husband??!!!
Men come and go faster than friends. There will be hard times is your relationship when you will need the support of your friends. They are an important support group for your family, and quite an asset as a networking relationship.
men come and go. besides, everyone needs a moment to themselves. can't miss each other if y'all all booed up 24/7. get a hobby! balance is nice. one final thought: "i dont love them hoes"
Aww lordy...this isn't one of my best pictures. Thank gawd its from afar. But loves you to Kasondra!
I think everyone needs a break. I don't think men nor women should be put in a position to have to choose their friends over a significant other. We all need a break at time. Kasondra, you've done a good job of being with your boo and your friends. You've found that happy medium, whether or not it was easy, I dont know; but its working.
Ally, now you know me! So you should know that the only prerequisite for the pictures chosen was how I, Kasondra, looked in them LMAO. That is a darn shame. So selfish! I have a nice one from Alero/Howard Homecoming weekend with you, me, and CoCo I will put that one up next time :-)
If someone doesn't have a life outside of their relationship then I can't see it being a healthy relationship. People should want to be together, not be forced to be together by not having any options. I can go out just about anytime I want to but most of the time I decide to stay home. Its more about the option to go out for me anyway. And the fact that I am a boring, simple, bum who would rather watch a movie or game in the basement than be out with a bunch of strangers.
I think it is healthy for couples to have their own hobbies, etc. Hanging out with friends is definitely fun, but it doesn't mean that you forsake your significant other. I think most of us have been good with making time for the girls. I miss you!!!
wow this a deep subject, now for me you all look beautiful. Now let me saY i'M OLD "g" AND i SAY NEVER GIVE UP YOUR TRUE FRIENDS THE ONES THAT ARE THERE THROUGH THICK OR THIN,PROBADLY BEEN THERE BEFORE YOU MENT YOUR BETTER HALF....EVEN IF HE IS A STICK AND STAY KIND OF GUY , HE WILL NEED AN OUTLET THAT DOESN'T INCLUDE YOU ANDYOU AS WELL WILL NEED THE SAME,i MEAN MEN THEY JUST DON'T ALWAYS GET THE GIRL THING, SO GIVE YOUUR MAN HIS PROPS BUT KEEP THOESE TRUE FRIENDS NOT ASSOCIATES MIND TRU FRIENDS AND LET HIM DO HIS MAN THING AS LONG AS IT DOESN'T OVER FLOW INTO WHAT THE TWO OF YOU HAVE , AS LONG AS IT DOESN'T THREATEN YOUR RELATIONSHIP !!!!!jUST KEEP IT SIMPLE THE TIMES OUT AS FOR THE ONE WHO GO EVERY WEEKEND OH NO THAT'S TOO MUCH OCE YOU HAVE COMMITTED YOURSELF AND THE SAME GOO FOR HIM IF HE TRIES IT.!!!!!KEEP IT REAL FROM THE JUMP AND LET HIM KNOW THAT MY FRIENDS AND i DO THIS AND THA HOPE IT'S NOT A PROBLEM FOR YOU LOL"KEEP THE PEACE"
What I've noticed is women tend to change their lifestyle more so than men. Men usually keep their friends, continue to hang out, and "do them" (ooh I hate that saying, but I had to say it). Having a life separate from each other is always good. In fact, its healthy. But with anything there are limits and boundaries. There is always room for too much of something, so I am sure most of us are looking for a happy balance. Leaving life in the your actions determines my reactions is tiresome.
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