Modern Day Technology - An Additional Stress To Relationships?

First off, Happy Birthday to me, Happy Birthday to me, Happy Birthday to mee eeeeee, Happy Birthday to me!

Upon my return from my Bday celebration in Vegas this weekend, I sent some pictures out to some of my close friends. I received several responses about one picture in particular. It was the same night as the picture above, however, this picture came out extra PHAT, ya know, Pretty Hot And Tempting :-) One email "Not posting these on FB? Did your man see what you packed? Hmmm..... " Another said "K!! You look juicy, girl! Work it!!! You should put it on Facebook!" After reviewing these responses I realized that Facebook, Myspace, Blogs, and all these other internet neighborhoods can get you in big trouble at home! That picture and all its juicy-ness is now tucked away in the "my pictures" folder on my laptop!

This brought me back to my last post on dude in Miami. Come to find out via one of my Miami travel partners, another reason his wife was upset is because he accepted a "friend request" from some chick he met down in Miami during the weekend. Apparently, oh girl went on her phone upon their meeting and sent him a request. His dumb behind goes on his phone and accepts the request. What is the problem with that you ask? Well, him and his wife SHARE the FB page. lol. Clearly he isn't the sharpest pencil in the box!

So, as I think about this situation it has me wondering how much technology has changed the relationship game. People now have so many outlets to cheat, meet people, seek out old flames, and just full out act a darn fool. Additionally, it's changed the game on catching a cheater. I can't even name the countless stories that I've heard of women finding out dirt on their guy by going through his email, text messages etc. etc.. The paper chain is ILL these days. Back in the day Grandpa could have a whole 2nd family and nobody knew!

So, how much is too much for the internet? Is it okay to have a FB/Myspace/Blog if you're attached? If so, is it okay if you have one and your significant other doesn't know about it? Is there certain "etiquette" that you should use if you have one?

So, let's create a Modern Day Technology & Your Relationship 101 list......Here are 4, feel free to add!

#1 - Please be respectful of who you add as a friend. I don't want to go on your page and see every ex-love slave of yours listed in your friend list

#2 - If you're in a relationship that you both acknowledge, then it should be listed in your profile as well. I know married people listed as single on FB and Myspace. Stop it!

#3 - Be mindful of the pics that you post and risk-ay ones shouldn't be up there! If you put one up, I'll have a problem and if any chicks referenced in #1 make a comment about the pic, we have an even bigger problem!

#4- If you two decide to keep in touch with friends of the opposite sex, pls tell them NOT to call past a certain hour. That includes text messages!

Singles Only?

You're viewing some of my pics from my last Ladies trip to Miami. I went for a quick getaway with the girls and something happened that seemed blog worthy.

So, while in Miami we ran into a group of guys celebrating a fellow friend's impending nuptials. More than half of these men were married and had been for 10+ years. To be honest, these men were quite respectful of their wives based on the behavior that I witnessed. (Although in the company of my ravishing crew and all the other beauties in Miami. Ha!)

So, while enjoying a day of fun kicking it at Wet Willies , one of the 18 year- married men was was greeted by a call from his wife. The wife promptly cursed him out for not calling him enough and missing one of her calls. I watched him plead with his wife in this crowded bar and I peeped his friend's eye rolls. They all agreed that they were surprised that he was even allowed to attend the trip as this behavior is typical for his wife. At the end of the conversation, he was yelling "F*** Marriage" and then decided to call it an evening and stayed in his room for the rest of his trip to appease his wife.

So, as I mull over this situation I scratch my head and say to my self, "Self, WHY did she bother to let him go then?" I mean, I haven't been married for 18 years so I won't even pretend to know what it takes to make an 18 year marriage work. However, I just don't see the point in allowing your signficant other attend an event just to hound him and cause him to not enjoy himself. Also, you've embarrassed him in front of his friends.

So, do you think it is wrong for an attached person to attend a trip with their boys/girls to a place like Miami, Vegas, Brazil etc. etc. or do you think that should be reserved for the single folks?

If you would allow your mate to attend, what are the rules? Must he/she call you a certain amount of times per day? Text you? Just pick up the phone when you call? No rules?

Should I be offended?

So, over the last couple months a series of things have happened that made me really take a step back, scratch my head, and say, WTH? Should I be offended?

1. So, I'm in target shopping on a Saturday with my daughter. I'd just come from the Dominican shop so my hair was stylish and I had on a basic sundress with decorative flip flops. My daughter is of course flawless with a fresh curly do and a nice summer fit! After I finished my shopping I start to place my items on the belt. As the cashier, Vikas, begins to ring me up he says "We don't accept food stamps here." Huh? Should I be offended? I mean, there is nothing wrong with food stamps before anyone gets all "offended," however, what about me made Vikas say something like that. Additionally, that is so friggin inappropriate. So, I kindly respond and let him know that I had no intentions on using foodstamps and that my tender will be cash. Vikas then commences to ask me what I do and where I work. Ugh, am I wrong if I say "NOT AT DAYUM TARGET!" Lastly, Vikas goes on to say "Most Hispanics use food stamps so that is why I asked you that." WTH? Should I have reported him to management because again, that is SOO inappropriate. Also, I am not Hispanic.

2. I'm in BeBe, I LOVE that store, trying on a nice dress. I ask the salesperson for a size 9. She responds "Let me check because our inventory is limited for the big sizes." WTH? Should I be offended? I mean, everyone isn't America's Next Top Model and when did a 9 become a "big size." Should I have given her a smart comment or called her attention to the muffin top hanging over her size 4 jeans! Skinny "fat" isn't cute either hon!

3. I went to MAC Cosmetics for a lip glass and let the salesperson talk me into getting a makeover for free. Now, anyone who knows me would know that I don't do make up like that. However, I let her do it to let time pass during lunch. I make it back for a meeting with my manager who looks at me and laughs. After he finished laughing he says "Kasondra, you sure have on enough make up!" LMAO. Should I be offended or was he just telling me to stick to my tried and true chap stick with face lotion for work! ha!

4. Last but not least, about 5 minutes before the scheduled meeting time, I walk into a meeting at work with an invitee list with nobody that looks like "me" only to find that there are NO SEATS! I had on a dress so I decide to stand. The meeting starts and about 10 minutes into the meeting another lady walks into the room in a pants suit. Before the lady could make it into the room all the way TWO, not one but TWO men jump up and offer their seat. She takes one of the offers and the other guy sits back in his seat and the meeting goes on. Hmm, should I be offended? LMAO. Number 1, I'm a woman and I was ON TIME and none of you men chose to show me that chivalry was alive and give up your seat for me but she walks in and gets royal treatment! Number 2, dude number 2, I mean really, you just sat back in your seat when she didn't take to your good gesture vs. making good with your chivalrous act and giving ME the chair that she turned down. I mean really, I think I should be totally be offended on this one!


So, has anything ever happened to you that had you really shaking your head wondering if you should cuss them out, shank them, or pull the big jar of Vaseline out your purse for some mortal combat action? If so, please share!

Enjoy your weekend people!

Don't Outpunt Your Coverage, and You'll Stay in the Game

So, a friend of mine sent me an article, http://www.blackamericaweb.com/?q=articles/news/baw_commentary_news/10103/2, titled "Don't Outpunt Your Coverage, and You'll Stay in the Game." In summary, the article is about men dating women that are out of their league. The authoress stated that these women don't realize it and should be informed! One example listed was female prison guards having sexual relationships with inmates. She's rallying the women-folk to find a man that can UPGRADE them like the gem that Michelle Obama found. Ha!

So, this article was interesting to me because just the other day my soon to be wed male best friend told me that he's so happy that I'm with my significant other. He said that this is the FIRST time that I've been with someone that he thought deserved me. At the time I sat there and scratched my head and took a mental flashback of my past relationships. Hmmm, not saying that I'm all that, but maybe he was on to something. In my pre-late 20s days my youth and naive nature allowed me to entertain men that, at the time, were so not on my level. I thought I was captain save a dude. I thought I could change everyone for the better. Just ridamndiculous!

My True Hollywood Story: I met a 30 year old man when I was in my early/mid 20s whom I dated for a short period. At the time I was finishing grad school, I had a full time engineering job, no children, perfect credit, spiritually sound, I'd started a successful business, and I was an emerging leader in Rochester due to my involvement with my business. For a 23 year old in Rochester, I wasn't doing to shabby to say the least. So, I quickly realized that although he was 7 years my senior, we didn't have the same goals. Now that I'm a grown & sexy 30+ woman, I wish I could get in Doc's time machine pop in the flex capacitor and slap the piss out of the 23 year old Kasondra!!! Dude had 2 kids when i met him and then 2 more popped up "out the blue." He didn't even have a checking account! WTH? When a 23 year old has to school a 30 year old on banking, there is an issue. The job he had when we met he quit and had dreams of being an NFL star. I mean really, you're in your 30s, do we really need to record your flag football games to send to recruiters? Dude, nobody is recruiting you. Then to further expand on my naive nature, I talked him into going to community college and enrolled in a "101" level class WITH him for encouragement. WTH was I smoking? I got an A and dude got an F because he got caught looking at my final exam lmao! Thank the Lord that by 25 I'd smartened up and upgraded my "dating application" in a major way.

Now that I've given you a good laugh:-)

So, have you entertained a man or woman that wasn't on your level? What makes a person date someone that doesn’t deserve him or her? Self-Esteem? Immaturity? A person not looking for a lifetime partner, therefore, having the option to play around with whomever? Is it wrong to exclude someone from your dating pool because they "aren't on your level?" Some may say that you should put on your cape, slap the diamond S on your chest and help to get the person to your level.

Readers, talk to me!

Bad Travel Experiences? Do a better job of the "OT" company that you keep!

So, as you can see from the pictures I went on a WONDERFUL spa weekend-wine tour with my girls. We did the wine tour on Saturday in Loudoun County, spent the evening in a spa resort hotel, and then woke up Sunday morning to spa treatments and girl talk at the sauna and whirlpool. The culiminating activity was a FATTENING brunch at Mimi's Cafe! It was truly a wonderful weekend.

This beautiful weekend made me think of the weekends from hell that I've had in the past. Through the years I've learned the following...

#1 - Don't travel with more than 3 chicks! Who has time to argue over something as simple as "Where do we go for breakfast?" I don't have time for that crap!

#2 - Don't bring chicks that are naive aka street DUMB Okay, so a few years back I went on a cruise with some friends and Sorors. One chick that came was a friend of a friend...How about the chick left with some random kneegrow Nassau cat and almost missed the ship! On top of that, when she boarded the ship at the last minute, she realized that she left her travel documents with him! WTH? Look - I don't have time to explain to your parents why you were left in Nassau and nobody knows who you're with! Lastly, if you can't get back into the states, YOUR BAD! I'll be home chllin'......Who gets in a random dudes car in another country and doesn't tell the folks she's with WHO or WHERE she's going..Oh, you're trying to get Aruba'd!

#3- Make sure your clique comes correct! I went on a trip with a group of friends. One of the broads that came didn't have money. Okay, why would you go out of town with no money? Okay, so we decide to go to a $20 party....Chick gets mad that we want to go. Won't allow us to pay her way and decides to sit in the car vs. coming into the party. WTH? So, she literally sat in the car for like 6 hours while we partied.

Readers...Do you have any rules when it comes to your travel plans or do you have any fun travel "stories?"...have you gone somewhere with someone that "mysteriously" left their wallet? lmao...Have you gone somewhere and Friend A leaves with Random Dude B..You don't know how to reach her..Hmm, if she never returns do I tell her parents where she really went and that she didn't leave his government name? I just know she left with Pookie... Or guys, what about that guy that is hating because you've met a girl and he won't leave the room lol. Tell me your funny stories or annoying travel habits!

Tick Tock Tick Tock..I am your Biological Clock!

Tick Tock Tick Tock..I am your Biological Clock!

So, a little over a year ago I went out to dinner with a group of male and female friends. At the time, one of the males at the table was 36 years old and turning 37 in 2 short months. He talked about how many women he dates with and flexed his muscles regarding all his "options." His clock was starting to tick and he was looking to get married at about 40-42 to someone about 30-32. He went on to say that it is "different" for women because they have less men wanting to date them after a certain age. So, in short, men have the same large pool of women to choose from as they age while women see major shrinkage in their pool each year that passes once they hit early 30s! His arguement is that older men can always have younger women while men in general always want younger...so, older women are left high and dry! He also thinks this has to do with older women not being able to have children while older men can have kids forever thus making them appealing to the 35 and under female population regardless of their age.

Needless to say, a riot darn near ensued after these statements by this aging young adult.

With all that being said, I think that he's on crack! If anything BOTH men and women see a lower pool at some point. But for darn sure it isn't just women seeing this shrinkage. I also think the shrinkage is due to more people in that age group being married. So, in my 20s I knew very few married people. In my 30s I now meet people that are married. I'd suspect in my 40s I will meet a bunch of divorced people and the pool will increase lol. But thats a different blog.

My Theory:

#1 Most women would prefer to have children with a young adult. I for one would not want to be 30 with a newborn and a 50 year old husband!

#2 Back in the day younger women dating older men for financial stability. However, it is now 2010! Women no longer need a sugar daddy as they can do it for themselves! So, that just cut out alot of the older man/younger women couples.

#3 - I personally date men no more than 6 years my senior. If your 7 years older, you're out of my range! If your more than 3 years younger you are my brother's age and therefore off limits! I for one have no desire to go out on a date with someone that reminds me of my dad. Additionally, I have no desire to go out on a date with someone 42 but acting 32. So, it's lose lose either way!


Readers answer the following:

Female Readers: In your opinion, what does an older man have to offer a young women? How many years your senior would you go? How low would you go? Would you consider a serious relationship with an older OR younger man?

Male Readers - In your opinion, what does an older WOman have to offer a young man? How many years your senior would you go? How low would you go? Would you consider a serious relationship with an older OR younger woman?


Talk to me people.....

Lookin' Back!

*Singing*
Yo, yo, yo, yo, baby-pop. Yeah, you come here, gimme a kiss! Better make it fast or else Im gonna get pissed!

So, I was sitting here listening to "old school" music on the web today. I put "old school" in quotes because what us 80s kids-90s Teens may call old school isn't old school to many...

So, when I think of my childhood certain songs remind me of certain times in my life. So, here are some of my favs...songs that make me smile due to the memories!

1. Special Ed - "I'm kinda Young, but my tongue speaks maturity!" - Okay, I had a cousin 3 years older than me and that was the line she'd use when she met boys! lol. She thought she was doing something "bitin'" his lyrics!

2a. LL Cool J - "Awww, nobody can rap quite like I can I'll take a muscle bound mad and put his face in the sand" - Okay, when I sing this all I can remember is LL licking them darn lips in that kangol and that gym suit!

2b. LL Cool J - "When I'm alone in my room sometimes I stare at the walland in the back of my mind I hear my conscience callTelling me I need a girl who's as sweet as a dovefor the first time in my life, I see I need love" - The first slow rap song. I LOVED this song. I was a little shorty but I loved it!

3. Slick Rick the Ruler & Doug E Fresh - "La Di Da Di - I threw some soap on my face and put my hands up on a cupand said um "Mirror mirror, on, the wallWho is the top Dogg of them all?"There was a rubble dubble, five minutes it lastedThe mirror said, "You are you conceited bastard" - That was my favorite line and remember people would compete to see who could recite the whole song!

4. Salt n Peppa - Push It- Okay, do you remember the push it dance? You had to shimmy(sp?) backwards, touch the ground and then shimmy back up. Then the torso roll as you say "ooh baby baby baby baby" - Okay, again, I was in elementary but you couldn't tell me nothing lol.

5. BBD - "It's driving me out of my mind That's why it's hard for me to find Can't get it outta my head Miss her, kiss her, love her, wrong move you're dead " - Okay, I remember I had to be about 11 or 12 when this came out and this dude was trying to holla at me in the mall and I still remember this to this very day. He said "Yo, I know you, I know you." I look at him and reply "Hmm, no you don't." He replies "You're the girl from the Poison video!" BOOOOOOOOOOO! Needless to say he did any play...lol.

6. BONUS: GUY - Okay, anyone who has heard me talk about old school will tell you that GUY is my ABSOLUTE favorite group on the planet! I mean, I liked Troop,Tony Toni Tone, Jodeci, NE, Mint Condintion, and Boys II Men but couldn't none of them mess with GUY! lol...Groove me, baby, tonight! Founkay! lol. Or remember "You can have a piece of my love. It's waiting for you. Girl, it's true! Aww Aww awwwwww" lol. Or.."Let's chill. Let's settle down. That's what I want to do Just me and you. Ohhhhh"..It ain't over. The partys not ova.


So, readers, let's go back down memory lane. Name some songs or artists that take you back. Let me know your favs!