An Educator's Aid?

So, I was in my hometown of Rochester, New York (Jigga Voice: "The Roc") this past weekend. There was a discussion on the radio regarding a new item added to the Rochester School District's Summer Reading list. None other than Currrrtttttiiissss Jackson aka “50 Cent” is the author of the book. Rapper 50 Cent's book, From Pieces to Weight, recounts his early life in the New York City drug trade in the same language that characterizes his music. The book was added to the reading list in an effort to increase teen reading with more "interesting" subject matter and teach on the "black experience." The conversation went on to discuss another book that made the cut a few years back, The Coldest Winter Ever by Sista Soulja.

Now as much as I LOVED Sista Soulja's book and will do a 2 step with a twist to "It's Your Birthday" for the next 20 birthdays to come...Umm, really, I wouldn't want my daughter to read those books at a young age. There are tons of MODERN books that teach of the black experience that I'd prefer her to read. This act makes me think that the powers that be feel that in order for something to be about the "black experience" it has to be something negative. As for my friends, and me we've moved beyond the Donald Goines tails and "True to the Game" books to The Help, Standing at the Scratch Line, and What you owe me. Hollywood has gone from The Mack (70s) and Menace (90s) to The Best Man, The Pursuit of Happiness and Why Did I Get Married! Let's continue to move forward is all I'm screaming :-)

Readers, now, I've been told that I have semi-conservative views at times. I just feel that there should always be SOME standard in place. If you have no rules or if you continue to stretch things from the norms it just makes room for further stretching in years to come. Twenty years ago you didn't hear curse words on TV and radio. Now you can say certain curse words on primetime TV and radio. So, when my 2 year old turns 20 you may hear the weather man say "It's cold as a B*tch outside!" :-)

So readers, what do you think? Are these types of "changes" good? Should old fashion people like me try and understand that as time changes so should our approach? Your thoughts?

Talk to me people....

White Privilege?

A very good Soror-Friend and I took my daughter to a toddler park in a upper middle-class area of Washington, DC this past weekend. From our standpoint, the kids were kind of mean and didn’t wish to play with my daughter. Additionally, they’d push her or aggressively push her hand away if she attempted to play with them. The parents witnessed their older children mistreat my 17 month old without saying one word in her defense. I rescued my child from each situation (it happened at least 5 times), however, no conversation with the “quiet” watching parent ensued. Later, I realized it was because I didn't want to be viewed as the “angry black woman” at the predominately white park. So, instead I diverted my daughter's attention to other things or I played in the sandbox with her. This situation brought me and my Soror-Friend back to an article that she'd sent me a few years ago entitled, “White Privilege: Unpacking the Invisible knapsack.”

A quick summary of the article:

The author, a white female, came to the realization that racism is more a system versus an act(s) of meanness. She realized that most white people don’t realize that this “system” is in place, therefore their oppressiveness is unconscious. She calls this idea “white privilege.” She feels that this white privilege is basically a bunch of assumptions that were passed on to her as a white person. She states that as her racial group was being made confident, comfortable, and oblivious, other groups (ie. black/brown people) were likely being made unconfident, uncomfortable, and alienated. She began to count the ways in which she enjoyed unearned skin privilege as a white person.

She lists over 40 items. I’ve chosen a few that I think scream at the experiences that I’ve had. (These are written from the point of view of Peggy who is not a person of color.)

Daily Effects of White Privilege:

1. I can do well in a challenging situation without being called a "credit" to my race

2. I can go shopping alone most of the time, pretty well assured that I will not be followed or harassed.

3. I can turn on the television or open to the front page of the paper and see people of my race widely represented.

4. When I am told about our national heritage or about "civilization," I am shown that white people made it what it is.

5. I can be sure that my children will be given curricular materials that testify to the existence of their race.

6. I can be pretty sure of having my voice heard in a group in which I am the only member of my race.

8. I can swear, or dress in second hand clothes, or talk with my mouth full, without having people attribute these choices to the bad morals, the poverty or the illiteracy of my race.

9. If a traffic cop pulls me over or if the IRS audits my tax return, I can be sure I haven't been singled out because of my race.

10. I can go home from most meetings of organizations I belong to feeling somewhat tied in, rather than isolated, out-of-place, outnumbered, unheard, held at a distance or feared.

I loved this article. I always hear the term “institution of racism,” however, I don’t think I ever realized the concept of white privilege and how it has an immediate adverse impact to my life as a person of color. I swear #1 , #10, and #6 really hit home for me

So, after reading this blog and/or the article. Do you agree with this? If you’re a person of color, does this open your eyes to a white privilege that you were also “taught” not to recognize? Do you have any to add to this list that were on Peggy’s list and I chose not to highlight in this blog or do you have any that even Peggy may have missed? Did any of these hit home for you?

Aging with grace......

*Singing*
I'll take your man whenever I feel like it
This ain't a threat or a bet, it's a dayum promise
From me to you, your sex life threw
If you get anotha lova, I'll take him, too

This weekend 9 of my DC area girls and I went to the "Freshe Fest" concert. The concert featured old school greats from Dougie Fresh to Big Daddy Kane. I was super excited about this event that would essentially take me back to my elementary school days! It was a fantabulous time! Dougie Fresh is a BEAST on the stage. I enjoyed him the most. For the most part, they were 40-something energetic crowd pleasers! I got a 2nd workout in as we danced in our row from the time we arrived UNTIL Salt N Pepa hit the stage........

Salt N Pepa, mainly Pep, didn't come there to give us the 80s party that we desired. Pep came on the stage with my 1 year old daughter's skirt on! Seriously, you can't do the Push it dance in that skirt. You know, the dance where you shimmy backwards, touch the ground, and then shimmy back up. So, as I took my seat bored from watching them walk the stage and scream out 80s trite hip hop cliches (Just wave your hand in the air; somebody, everybody scream), I realized that Pep is a mess because she's trying to be 25 while dude from Whodini ROCKED it and showed us his knee brace. The men accept their age and do things THEIR way. Pep doesn't seem to accept that she's 40+ and is trying to do things like Beyonce or somebody..but can't hang! Bey would've done the "push it" dance IN her mini skirt and stilettos! Ha!

So, I know that was a long intro but are there certain things that we just need to give up when we hit a certain age?

Here is my list of things you should give up once you hit 30 or have children or get married, whichever comes first.

1. Cornrows! - I'd like to set the age limit for men in cornrows to 5 but I don't want to get cussed out by the 30 years olds still walking around with them. CUT THOSE THINGS OFF PLEASE! I beg of you!
2. Dreams to make it to the NBA or NFL
3. Living on a college Dorm - Someone that I know was talking about going back to school and living in a dorm and he's in his late 20s. Seriously?
4. Listening and/or reciting the lyrics to any song featuring Gucci Mane, Wocka Flocka Flame, or Soulja Boy. (4.5 - I like Trey but umm, I'm adding "LOL Smiley Face" to this list!)
5. Sporting Jeans with apples on the butt after obtaining a real job!
6. Man Bags - I'm setting the limit on this to men with a 12 month old or younger child and that bag better have some diapers and wipes in it!
7. Only ordering things on a menu that you've had before! Once you hit 25, lets branch out and try new things. Go ahead, put the chicken fingers down and try something new! You just may like it.

Hey, if I think of more than 7 then you may not think of any to add..... :-)

So, readers, tell me what you'dl ike to add to that "Oh Heck to De Naw, he/she is 30!" list

Randomness

So, I've been off the blog scene for a few months now. I have a bunch of random thoughts in my head...Wanna hear it? Hear it goes...



1. Kanye West - I've hated him since he came out. He is such an arrogant a-hole! Enough said on him...



2. Kerri Hilson - Am I the only one that doesn't understand all the hype about her music?



3. Real Housewives of Atlanta - Why do they think that they are A-list Celebrities? Kim - Please don't EVER ever ever ever ever perform Don't be Tardy for the party again! Kim- Big Poppa is married and is not leaving his wife. Please stop letting him stay the night with you and your impressionable daughters! Just slack!



4. Lady GaGa - Am I the only one that thinks she is out of her darn mind? That chick is nuts. Did you see her smashing the beer bottles on the award show? Crazy and deranged!



4. Steve McNair- RIP. I really hate how all his "dirty laundry" came out after his death. I feel for his wife because although I'm sure she loved him dearly. You have to have some hate in your heart to find out all this other stuff plus many unanswered questions. I mean, the side chick killed dude in his sleep. Now that's gangsta.



5. Chris Brown - Ugh, first I HATE his new song. It's WHACK! Second, did he really get an attitude when the judge gave him community service for beating the crap outta that girl? Little abusive brat. I'm done with him. She needs to have her family from the islands come up and beat his behind!



6. Kids - okay, when I was a kid I hated when older people would say that "kids these days" are yada yada yada. They always acted as if their generation was so well mannered and never did any wrong. But umm, kids these days have lost their GD minds. Did you hear about the case where the kids gang raped this teenage girl and then threw acid on her private parts to burn the evidence? WTH? I mean, who does that at 14? Then some little boy snitched on another little boy for stealing his bike. The theif teen threw rubbing alcohol on the other boy and set him on fire for "snitching" on him for stealing his bike. WTH? You stole HIS bike and then set him on fire because he told his dad who stole it? Something just doesn't seem right with that logic.


7. Soul Train Music Awards - So, we watched these last night. There were so many things wrong with this award show and the red carpet before show.

a. Did you see rerun's daughter on the red carpet and the YMCA looking characters with her? WTH? Who comes to an awards show looking like that? I mean really?

b. KC from Jodeci! Oh my gosh, he is a hot mess. Did that fool do the KC version of the stanky leg on the stage with Charlie Wilson. Ugh, He sounded a HOT SMOULDERING mess too. Can someone take him to rehab?

c. Why in the H - E double Hockey Sticks did Terrence Howard keep singing? I mean, I heard he had a CD out. I now know NOT to purchase it.

e. BOOOOOOOOO to the MJ tribute! They could have come better than that. Really!

The Glass Ceiling. Reality or Fiction?

At 21, sitting in the stands listening to the Virginia Governor speak at my 1998 Undergraduate College Graduation, I just knew that the sky was the limit for my new career! I've always been a pretty ambitious young lady so I figured it would be no sweat. Now as I sit here, 11 years later, I wonder just how much the "glass ceiling" has influenced the advancement of my career. Is this truly the reality of us lucky folks that fall in any "protected class" category? For those that aren't familiar, a protected class simply describes groups of people who are "protected" from discrimination and harassment by law. People are put in these classes based on things like race, ethnicity, religion, sex, age, disability, sexual orientation etc. etc.

So, a fellow Computer Science friend of mine works for a large well known company. Her organization has about 400 people. There are probably 75 manager level employees, including my friend. My friend is one of four black managers out of 50. The four black managers are ALL first level managers. Middle and Upper Management has 0% black/Latina, 3 Asian Managers, all the other middle/upper managers are Caucasian all the way up to the CEO.

Of those 325 non-management employees, about 90% are Asian (Mainly from India).The other 10% - about 10-15 Caucasian and there are 6 people of color (5 Black, 1 Latina)-again, this doesn't include the 4 black managers. So, am I the only one that sees something funny with this picture? Number 1, if 90% of your non-management employees are from East India, why are there only 2 Indians represented in upper/middle management? Also, I mean really, are the 4 black managers just incompetent or are they not allowed to go beyond a certain point? Lastly, isn't it strange that there are 10-15 Caucasian non-management employees and the rest of the Caucasians (65+) in the organization are ALL in upper/middle management? She complains that she has to be one of the "good old boys" to really make a move beyond where she is so far. Especially since 2 of the 4 black managers have 15+ years in the company. She's actually quite "accomplished" in that organization to have made it to first level management at such a young age.

So, after evaluating her situation and many of my own in my 11 years of working I MUST ask my readers if the Glass Ceiling is reality or fiction? Have you encountered the glass ceiling in your career? If you have, what methods have you used to help shatter it or at least crack it a bit? Any interesting stories to tell on work situations that made you scratch like you need head & shoulders similar to the scenario that I described above? Ever felt like you were put in a "box" although you had the credentials and smarts to do much more? Is this notion of a glass ceiling all in our minds and just a product of our predisposed ideals due to being a minority in America?

Talk to me people....

Modern Day Technology - An Additional Stress To Relationships?

First off, Happy Birthday to me, Happy Birthday to me, Happy Birthday to mee eeeeee, Happy Birthday to me!

Upon my return from my Bday celebration in Vegas this weekend, I sent some pictures out to some of my close friends. I received several responses about one picture in particular. It was the same night as the picture above, however, this picture came out extra PHAT, ya know, Pretty Hot And Tempting :-) One email "Not posting these on FB? Did your man see what you packed? Hmmm..... " Another said "K!! You look juicy, girl! Work it!!! You should put it on Facebook!" After reviewing these responses I realized that Facebook, Myspace, Blogs, and all these other internet neighborhoods can get you in big trouble at home! That picture and all its juicy-ness is now tucked away in the "my pictures" folder on my laptop!

This brought me back to my last post on dude in Miami. Come to find out via one of my Miami travel partners, another reason his wife was upset is because he accepted a "friend request" from some chick he met down in Miami during the weekend. Apparently, oh girl went on her phone upon their meeting and sent him a request. His dumb behind goes on his phone and accepts the request. What is the problem with that you ask? Well, him and his wife SHARE the FB page. lol. Clearly he isn't the sharpest pencil in the box!

So, as I think about this situation it has me wondering how much technology has changed the relationship game. People now have so many outlets to cheat, meet people, seek out old flames, and just full out act a darn fool. Additionally, it's changed the game on catching a cheater. I can't even name the countless stories that I've heard of women finding out dirt on their guy by going through his email, text messages etc. etc.. The paper chain is ILL these days. Back in the day Grandpa could have a whole 2nd family and nobody knew!

So, how much is too much for the internet? Is it okay to have a FB/Myspace/Blog if you're attached? If so, is it okay if you have one and your significant other doesn't know about it? Is there certain "etiquette" that you should use if you have one?

So, let's create a Modern Day Technology & Your Relationship 101 list......Here are 4, feel free to add!

#1 - Please be respectful of who you add as a friend. I don't want to go on your page and see every ex-love slave of yours listed in your friend list

#2 - If you're in a relationship that you both acknowledge, then it should be listed in your profile as well. I know married people listed as single on FB and Myspace. Stop it!

#3 - Be mindful of the pics that you post and risk-ay ones shouldn't be up there! If you put one up, I'll have a problem and if any chicks referenced in #1 make a comment about the pic, we have an even bigger problem!

#4- If you two decide to keep in touch with friends of the opposite sex, pls tell them NOT to call past a certain hour. That includes text messages!

Singles Only?

You're viewing some of my pics from my last Ladies trip to Miami. I went for a quick getaway with the girls and something happened that seemed blog worthy.

So, while in Miami we ran into a group of guys celebrating a fellow friend's impending nuptials. More than half of these men were married and had been for 10+ years. To be honest, these men were quite respectful of their wives based on the behavior that I witnessed. (Although in the company of my ravishing crew and all the other beauties in Miami. Ha!)

So, while enjoying a day of fun kicking it at Wet Willies , one of the 18 year- married men was was greeted by a call from his wife. The wife promptly cursed him out for not calling him enough and missing one of her calls. I watched him plead with his wife in this crowded bar and I peeped his friend's eye rolls. They all agreed that they were surprised that he was even allowed to attend the trip as this behavior is typical for his wife. At the end of the conversation, he was yelling "F*** Marriage" and then decided to call it an evening and stayed in his room for the rest of his trip to appease his wife.

So, as I mull over this situation I scratch my head and say to my self, "Self, WHY did she bother to let him go then?" I mean, I haven't been married for 18 years so I won't even pretend to know what it takes to make an 18 year marriage work. However, I just don't see the point in allowing your signficant other attend an event just to hound him and cause him to not enjoy himself. Also, you've embarrassed him in front of his friends.

So, do you think it is wrong for an attached person to attend a trip with their boys/girls to a place like Miami, Vegas, Brazil etc. etc. or do you think that should be reserved for the single folks?

If you would allow your mate to attend, what are the rules? Must he/she call you a certain amount of times per day? Text you? Just pick up the phone when you call? No rules?

Should I be offended?

So, over the last couple months a series of things have happened that made me really take a step back, scratch my head, and say, WTH? Should I be offended?

1. So, I'm in target shopping on a Saturday with my daughter. I'd just come from the Dominican shop so my hair was stylish and I had on a basic sundress with decorative flip flops. My daughter is of course flawless with a fresh curly do and a nice summer fit! After I finished my shopping I start to place my items on the belt. As the cashier, Vikas, begins to ring me up he says "We don't accept food stamps here." Huh? Should I be offended? I mean, there is nothing wrong with food stamps before anyone gets all "offended," however, what about me made Vikas say something like that. Additionally, that is so friggin inappropriate. So, I kindly respond and let him know that I had no intentions on using foodstamps and that my tender will be cash. Vikas then commences to ask me what I do and where I work. Ugh, am I wrong if I say "NOT AT DAYUM TARGET!" Lastly, Vikas goes on to say "Most Hispanics use food stamps so that is why I asked you that." WTH? Should I have reported him to management because again, that is SOO inappropriate. Also, I am not Hispanic.

2. I'm in BeBe, I LOVE that store, trying on a nice dress. I ask the salesperson for a size 9. She responds "Let me check because our inventory is limited for the big sizes." WTH? Should I be offended? I mean, everyone isn't America's Next Top Model and when did a 9 become a "big size." Should I have given her a smart comment or called her attention to the muffin top hanging over her size 4 jeans! Skinny "fat" isn't cute either hon!

3. I went to MAC Cosmetics for a lip glass and let the salesperson talk me into getting a makeover for free. Now, anyone who knows me would know that I don't do make up like that. However, I let her do it to let time pass during lunch. I make it back for a meeting with my manager who looks at me and laughs. After he finished laughing he says "Kasondra, you sure have on enough make up!" LMAO. Should I be offended or was he just telling me to stick to my tried and true chap stick with face lotion for work! ha!

4. Last but not least, about 5 minutes before the scheduled meeting time, I walk into a meeting at work with an invitee list with nobody that looks like "me" only to find that there are NO SEATS! I had on a dress so I decide to stand. The meeting starts and about 10 minutes into the meeting another lady walks into the room in a pants suit. Before the lady could make it into the room all the way TWO, not one but TWO men jump up and offer their seat. She takes one of the offers and the other guy sits back in his seat and the meeting goes on. Hmm, should I be offended? LMAO. Number 1, I'm a woman and I was ON TIME and none of you men chose to show me that chivalry was alive and give up your seat for me but she walks in and gets royal treatment! Number 2, dude number 2, I mean really, you just sat back in your seat when she didn't take to your good gesture vs. making good with your chivalrous act and giving ME the chair that she turned down. I mean really, I think I should be totally be offended on this one!


So, has anything ever happened to you that had you really shaking your head wondering if you should cuss them out, shank them, or pull the big jar of Vaseline out your purse for some mortal combat action? If so, please share!

Enjoy your weekend people!

Don't Outpunt Your Coverage, and You'll Stay in the Game

So, a friend of mine sent me an article, http://www.blackamericaweb.com/?q=articles/news/baw_commentary_news/10103/2, titled "Don't Outpunt Your Coverage, and You'll Stay in the Game." In summary, the article is about men dating women that are out of their league. The authoress stated that these women don't realize it and should be informed! One example listed was female prison guards having sexual relationships with inmates. She's rallying the women-folk to find a man that can UPGRADE them like the gem that Michelle Obama found. Ha!

So, this article was interesting to me because just the other day my soon to be wed male best friend told me that he's so happy that I'm with my significant other. He said that this is the FIRST time that I've been with someone that he thought deserved me. At the time I sat there and scratched my head and took a mental flashback of my past relationships. Hmmm, not saying that I'm all that, but maybe he was on to something. In my pre-late 20s days my youth and naive nature allowed me to entertain men that, at the time, were so not on my level. I thought I was captain save a dude. I thought I could change everyone for the better. Just ridamndiculous!

My True Hollywood Story: I met a 30 year old man when I was in my early/mid 20s whom I dated for a short period. At the time I was finishing grad school, I had a full time engineering job, no children, perfect credit, spiritually sound, I'd started a successful business, and I was an emerging leader in Rochester due to my involvement with my business. For a 23 year old in Rochester, I wasn't doing to shabby to say the least. So, I quickly realized that although he was 7 years my senior, we didn't have the same goals. Now that I'm a grown & sexy 30+ woman, I wish I could get in Doc's time machine pop in the flex capacitor and slap the piss out of the 23 year old Kasondra!!! Dude had 2 kids when i met him and then 2 more popped up "out the blue." He didn't even have a checking account! WTH? When a 23 year old has to school a 30 year old on banking, there is an issue. The job he had when we met he quit and had dreams of being an NFL star. I mean really, you're in your 30s, do we really need to record your flag football games to send to recruiters? Dude, nobody is recruiting you. Then to further expand on my naive nature, I talked him into going to community college and enrolled in a "101" level class WITH him for encouragement. WTH was I smoking? I got an A and dude got an F because he got caught looking at my final exam lmao! Thank the Lord that by 25 I'd smartened up and upgraded my "dating application" in a major way.

Now that I've given you a good laugh:-)

So, have you entertained a man or woman that wasn't on your level? What makes a person date someone that doesn’t deserve him or her? Self-Esteem? Immaturity? A person not looking for a lifetime partner, therefore, having the option to play around with whomever? Is it wrong to exclude someone from your dating pool because they "aren't on your level?" Some may say that you should put on your cape, slap the diamond S on your chest and help to get the person to your level.

Readers, talk to me!

Bad Travel Experiences? Do a better job of the "OT" company that you keep!

So, as you can see from the pictures I went on a WONDERFUL spa weekend-wine tour with my girls. We did the wine tour on Saturday in Loudoun County, spent the evening in a spa resort hotel, and then woke up Sunday morning to spa treatments and girl talk at the sauna and whirlpool. The culiminating activity was a FATTENING brunch at Mimi's Cafe! It was truly a wonderful weekend.

This beautiful weekend made me think of the weekends from hell that I've had in the past. Through the years I've learned the following...

#1 - Don't travel with more than 3 chicks! Who has time to argue over something as simple as "Where do we go for breakfast?" I don't have time for that crap!

#2 - Don't bring chicks that are naive aka street DUMB Okay, so a few years back I went on a cruise with some friends and Sorors. One chick that came was a friend of a friend...How about the chick left with some random kneegrow Nassau cat and almost missed the ship! On top of that, when she boarded the ship at the last minute, she realized that she left her travel documents with him! WTH? Look - I don't have time to explain to your parents why you were left in Nassau and nobody knows who you're with! Lastly, if you can't get back into the states, YOUR BAD! I'll be home chllin'......Who gets in a random dudes car in another country and doesn't tell the folks she's with WHO or WHERE she's going..Oh, you're trying to get Aruba'd!

#3- Make sure your clique comes correct! I went on a trip with a group of friends. One of the broads that came didn't have money. Okay, why would you go out of town with no money? Okay, so we decide to go to a $20 party....Chick gets mad that we want to go. Won't allow us to pay her way and decides to sit in the car vs. coming into the party. WTH? So, she literally sat in the car for like 6 hours while we partied.

Readers...Do you have any rules when it comes to your travel plans or do you have any fun travel "stories?"...have you gone somewhere with someone that "mysteriously" left their wallet? lmao...Have you gone somewhere and Friend A leaves with Random Dude B..You don't know how to reach her..Hmm, if she never returns do I tell her parents where she really went and that she didn't leave his government name? I just know she left with Pookie... Or guys, what about that guy that is hating because you've met a girl and he won't leave the room lol. Tell me your funny stories or annoying travel habits!

Tick Tock Tick Tock..I am your Biological Clock!

Tick Tock Tick Tock..I am your Biological Clock!

So, a little over a year ago I went out to dinner with a group of male and female friends. At the time, one of the males at the table was 36 years old and turning 37 in 2 short months. He talked about how many women he dates with and flexed his muscles regarding all his "options." His clock was starting to tick and he was looking to get married at about 40-42 to someone about 30-32. He went on to say that it is "different" for women because they have less men wanting to date them after a certain age. So, in short, men have the same large pool of women to choose from as they age while women see major shrinkage in their pool each year that passes once they hit early 30s! His arguement is that older men can always have younger women while men in general always want younger...so, older women are left high and dry! He also thinks this has to do with older women not being able to have children while older men can have kids forever thus making them appealing to the 35 and under female population regardless of their age.

Needless to say, a riot darn near ensued after these statements by this aging young adult.

With all that being said, I think that he's on crack! If anything BOTH men and women see a lower pool at some point. But for darn sure it isn't just women seeing this shrinkage. I also think the shrinkage is due to more people in that age group being married. So, in my 20s I knew very few married people. In my 30s I now meet people that are married. I'd suspect in my 40s I will meet a bunch of divorced people and the pool will increase lol. But thats a different blog.

My Theory:

#1 Most women would prefer to have children with a young adult. I for one would not want to be 30 with a newborn and a 50 year old husband!

#2 Back in the day younger women dating older men for financial stability. However, it is now 2010! Women no longer need a sugar daddy as they can do it for themselves! So, that just cut out alot of the older man/younger women couples.

#3 - I personally date men no more than 6 years my senior. If your 7 years older, you're out of my range! If your more than 3 years younger you are my brother's age and therefore off limits! I for one have no desire to go out on a date with someone that reminds me of my dad. Additionally, I have no desire to go out on a date with someone 42 but acting 32. So, it's lose lose either way!


Readers answer the following:

Female Readers: In your opinion, what does an older man have to offer a young women? How many years your senior would you go? How low would you go? Would you consider a serious relationship with an older OR younger man?

Male Readers - In your opinion, what does an older WOman have to offer a young man? How many years your senior would you go? How low would you go? Would you consider a serious relationship with an older OR younger woman?


Talk to me people.....

Lookin' Back!

*Singing*
Yo, yo, yo, yo, baby-pop. Yeah, you come here, gimme a kiss! Better make it fast or else Im gonna get pissed!

So, I was sitting here listening to "old school" music on the web today. I put "old school" in quotes because what us 80s kids-90s Teens may call old school isn't old school to many...

So, when I think of my childhood certain songs remind me of certain times in my life. So, here are some of my favs...songs that make me smile due to the memories!

1. Special Ed - "I'm kinda Young, but my tongue speaks maturity!" - Okay, I had a cousin 3 years older than me and that was the line she'd use when she met boys! lol. She thought she was doing something "bitin'" his lyrics!

2a. LL Cool J - "Awww, nobody can rap quite like I can I'll take a muscle bound mad and put his face in the sand" - Okay, when I sing this all I can remember is LL licking them darn lips in that kangol and that gym suit!

2b. LL Cool J - "When I'm alone in my room sometimes I stare at the walland in the back of my mind I hear my conscience callTelling me I need a girl who's as sweet as a dovefor the first time in my life, I see I need love" - The first slow rap song. I LOVED this song. I was a little shorty but I loved it!

3. Slick Rick the Ruler & Doug E Fresh - "La Di Da Di - I threw some soap on my face and put my hands up on a cupand said um "Mirror mirror, on, the wallWho is the top Dogg of them all?"There was a rubble dubble, five minutes it lastedThe mirror said, "You are you conceited bastard" - That was my favorite line and remember people would compete to see who could recite the whole song!

4. Salt n Peppa - Push It- Okay, do you remember the push it dance? You had to shimmy(sp?) backwards, touch the ground and then shimmy back up. Then the torso roll as you say "ooh baby baby baby baby" - Okay, again, I was in elementary but you couldn't tell me nothing lol.

5. BBD - "It's driving me out of my mind That's why it's hard for me to find Can't get it outta my head Miss her, kiss her, love her, wrong move you're dead " - Okay, I remember I had to be about 11 or 12 when this came out and this dude was trying to holla at me in the mall and I still remember this to this very day. He said "Yo, I know you, I know you." I look at him and reply "Hmm, no you don't." He replies "You're the girl from the Poison video!" BOOOOOOOOOOO! Needless to say he did any play...lol.

6. BONUS: GUY - Okay, anyone who has heard me talk about old school will tell you that GUY is my ABSOLUTE favorite group on the planet! I mean, I liked Troop,Tony Toni Tone, Jodeci, NE, Mint Condintion, and Boys II Men but couldn't none of them mess with GUY! lol...Groove me, baby, tonight! Founkay! lol. Or remember "You can have a piece of my love. It's waiting for you. Girl, it's true! Aww Aww awwwwww" lol. Or.."Let's chill. Let's settle down. That's what I want to do Just me and you. Ohhhhh"..It ain't over. The partys not ova.


So, readers, let's go back down memory lane. Name some songs or artists that take you back. Let me know your favs!

Words or Phrases You Hate To Hear People JACK UP!!!

Hey People,

I know, I know, I've been off the scene for a bit but I'm baaaaacccckkk!

So, I was reading an email from one of my Sorors about words you hate to hear people mess up! I thought it would be interesting to list mine and ask for my readers (that still cracks me up) to add on to it!

1. Conversate - That is NOT a word people. You were conversING with someone, not conversating with them. I've had straight up arguements with people insisting that conversate is correct.

2. Murland - Umm, no boo, Maryland is not pronounced Murlin or Murland.

3. Fajita - True Story - Back in the day when we were 25 or so my friend, we will keep her nameless, went out on a date with a 30 year old man. So, they are at Applebees and my friend tells the waitress, "Yes I'd like the chicken finger basket please." The 30 year old guy looks at the waitress with his cornrows in tact and says "Yea, ummm, can I get the chicken Fajeeta?" WTH? How are you 30 and you don't know how to pronounce Fajita. No, how are you 30 and you don't know the word "fajita" on sight?

4. "Why Come......" - Okay, when I was persuing AKA there was a member of AKA that used to say to us "Why Come yall didn't do A, B, or C?" Okay, my linesisters and I would later say to one another "Why come you keep saying why come?" LMAO. What the heck kind of saying is "Why come?"

5. Irregardless - Okay, lets break this down. Regardless means "in spite of" or "without regard for"...now I ask why is "irr" needed when regardless already proved your point? So again I hate to be the bearer of bad news, "irregardless" is also NOT a word! "Irr" and "less" combined are not needed.

6. Bonus: "Brekfix" - My cousin is notorious for saying "You want to go out for Brekfix?" Okay, I love me some belgium waffles and eggs but ummm, what the hell is Brekfix? I always respond, I don't want to go to Brekfix but BREAKFAST sounds real good lol.

So, readers, any words that you cringe when you hear someone mess them up!

What About Your Friendsssssss (In my TLC voice)

Are friends a gift or curse to your romantic relationship? So, I was watching Judge Mathis and a 44 year old was suing his 21 year old ex-girlfriend. He went on to say that the reason for the breakup was because she chose to go to a sonogram to support her single friend vs. spending time with him on his day off. He repeatedly stated that she'd put her friends "before him."

It brought me back to a Martin stand up where he'd always want to "Kick it with Craig and em'." His punchline was "Oh you want to spend quality time today. Well, I had told Craig and em' I was gon' kick it with dem , see ya one I see ya. Peeace" At the end of that skit, he was no longer with the young woman due to Craig and em'.

So, my question is, how much time with the girls or boys should be deemed as just "to much" and/or detrimental to a romantic relationship?

Is it important to maintain quality time with your friends even at the expense of your romantic relationships?

Is it actually good for your romantic life to have your occasional "girls night out" or "boys night out?"

Lastly, at what point, if any, do you decide to say to hell with your friends and your primary focus is putting time in to mantain and promote a healthy relationship with your romantic partner?

Your thoughts?

**Special Photo Shout out to my closest friends..Minus Big Ang ,Tracy, and Moh! I didn't like my hair in any of the photo opps that we had!**

Jazmine Sullivan's Bust The Windows Song

Okay, so my homeboy's blog inspired this one. He wrote a post titled "Jasmine Sullivan may get you dead!" My title for this post should be "Men, stop tripping unless you plan to change your game up and make respectable songs about women!!"

Now, I've been noticing over the last month or so that EVERYTIME they play this song on the radio the male DJ will make a comment afterwards saying how wrong Jazmine is for this song. Everytime the video comes on my man literally turns the channel. I'm serious, I've never seen the video because he always turns it off as he mumbles "thats some bullish."

So, my question is how in the heck can there be 5 billion negative songs about women but men take issue when ONE woman makes a song about busting his darn windows out. I don't get it.

There are literally videos with women getting champagne sprayed on them in the club (biggie). Videos depicting women drunk sleep with skirts on and legs wide open (John Legend/Andre 3000). However, men have an issue with getting their windows busted AFTER the women catches him in bed with someone else. Am I the only one confused at the male anger towards this video. Can guys dish it out but can't take it?

I personally, have never busted any windows out. However, I'm standing up right now for all the ladies who have busted those windows out and been bad enough to write their initials with the crowbar!! For the Angela Bassetts that took all of his belongings and burned them up in his luxury vehicle :-) To the Lisa Lopez wannabes that burned that house down after he punched her.

My True Hollywood Crazy Story:

This guy, we will call him Andre, I dated for about 5 minutes in my early 20s. I eventually find out about an on/off girlfriend, we will call her Agatha. Not even knowing what Agatha looks like, I run into Agatha one day in a very crowded PROFESSIONAL place. She walks up on me and starts screaming and threatening me. I walk away as if she's not speaking to me because as Jigga says, "Wise men never argue with fools, because people from a distance can't tell who is who!"

So, I tell Andre's sister and she responds "Agatha is CRAZY, if you see her RUN on sight!" WTH? Come to find out, Andre was messing with some chick before me. Agatha followed Andre one day, hid behind bushes for hours, the girl comes out her home, and Agatha jumps out the bushes in all Black like dayum catwoman and beats the girl in the head with a hammer. Andre came out, Agatha then jumps in her car pushes the pedal to the metal and hits Andre. He flies up into the air and lands on the concrete street. WTH? As of Spring 2000, Agatha was awaiting trial......Hmm, I bet he would have preferred she bust the windows out his car lmao.

Women/Men - Feel free to post comments about any "crazy" situations you know of.....

Places I hate to Visit

So, my Soror and I were talking on email today about places that we hate to visit. These are common places but I just don't do them very well lol.

#1 - The Post Office- Is it me or do they have the worse hours? Then they are always packed. I just hate the post office. If I ever have to mail you something don't be mad when I mail it a month after I say I will.

#2 - The BANK. So, me and one of my Sorors had an all out email war because I HATE going to the bank. She sent me a $40 check in mid-June and in late July I still hadn't cashed it. I hate the bank. I always tell people to send me money via paypal or send me a money order because I don't do the bank. Your check will sit and sit and sit until I eventually have multiple checks to cash. Cardinal rule, if your check is less than 100 bucks you can forget about it. That check my get cashed 3 months from now. My issues withe bank aren't worth the less than 100 bucks I'll be getting lol.

#3 - WALMART - I may be in the minority here. I can't stand walmart. There are always a bizzilion people there. People act like they want to run you over with their carts trying to get that product. I feel like I'm a rat in a tunnel when I'm in wal-mart. Then Super Wal-Marts are the worst because they are always hood! I'd rather pay a little extra and go to Target or the grocery store.

#4- WORK - Am I the only person that fantasizes about hitting the lotto? What's funny is I don't even play the lotto. I'm 2 cheap ha! On a regular basis I want to tell someone in my office "Leave me the hell alone." or "Get outta my face." I guess I can't do that though huh?

#5 - FAST FOOD PLACES WITH NO DRIVE THRU - So, Chipotle and Subway would get so much more of my business if they had a drive-thru. I mean really, if I wanted to park my car in a crowded shopping plaza lot and go in and place my order I'd just go to a sit down restaurant. I'm starting the petition for all food under 10 bucks to have drive-thru options!

Feel free to post any places that you hate to visit!


K-Swiss

Am I just getting old?

So, the young vibrant Kasondra has finally turned 32 like the rest of her fellow 1976 friends. (August seems SOOO far away when your closest friends have 1st quarter bdays) As I rolled out of bed this morning I said to my self, "Self, you are getting old!" Reasons?

MUSIC: Well, I turned on MTV Jams and quickly realized I don't like todays music and turned that crap off. I'm starting to sound like my parents did 20 years ago when they said R&B just wasn't the same anymore. I feel the same about Hip Hop, it just isn't the same! Waking up to "she got a Donk" by Soulja Boy is not fun to me. I'm thinking 10 years ago I would have gotten out of the bed smiling and dancing. Now it just sounds like loud noise in my ear. I so miss the 90s music! Hmm, or is it just that the music of today is indeed TRASH! :-)

DANCE: Am I the only one that can't keep up? The G5, Superman that hoe dance, the dance in she got a donk, the rain dance, pon the river, give em' a run, dutty wine etc. etc. I so can't keep up. I just keep it with the 2 step and maybe add a little twist like 50. I'm 2 old and don't have the energy or desire to learn all those darn dances. The Superman that hoe dance has like 15 steps. I mean really...What happened to the cabbage patch, the whop, the Roger Rabbit, and simple stuff like the A-town stomp! I just can't hang.

CLOTHES: Okay, I used to be known for rocking my flat abs and wearing tops to show off my cleavage. I gave it up when I turned 30 due to the fact that I just feel that at 30 I don't need to be on the meat rack like that! Yes, I may still "have it" but I don't need to show it like that. So, the other day I was looking at Mariah Carey's "I'll be loving you long time" video. I was disgusted by the LACK of clothing she had on. Go cover up, you're like 40 in a bikini and half top with tight daisy dukes. Am I just getting old or is she just to darn old to wear 21 year old clothing...nice body or not!

SOCIAL SCENE: Okay, so I'm so not interested in partying days in a row anymore. I used to be a trooper. I could go out 6 days in a row if there were places to go! Now, I have the energy to do it but who the heck wants to? I mean, I've been to a bizzillion clubs and lounges from DC to Brazil. I'm so not interested in being up in "the place to be" like that anymore. My homeboy will be 38 soon and he still road trips to parties. Umm, hello? Am I just getting old before my time or is that strange? I haven't seen a party in years that warranted me buying a flight to attend! I mean really, is it that serious?

LOOKS: LMAO at the comment I'm about to make in pure Kasondra style. I'm still as ravishing as I was at 21 so in the looks department, I ain't getting old! :-)

So, POST some of your "getting old" moments or am I the only one out there....Don't let me feel alone. Post People :-)

Also, if you laughed or had to ask "What is that dance" to my post. You just had an OLD moment!

Finding New Tenants...The STRESS in my life right now

So, what the heck possessed me to become a landlord. So, in my mid-20s I had this bright idea to purchase 2 expensive behind properties in the DC area. Now, lets fastforward, now I have these properties and I rent them out. I've been living in lala land because I had the same tentants in both places for YEARS! Well, now they've both decided to leave. So, I posted an ad on craigslist.



Let me tell you..WHY do people feel the need to scam and/or give their sob story to me on a daily basis now via email.



#1 - I don't care that you're getting divorce! If you're credit is jacked and you don't have verifiable income!

#2 - Why did some lady claim that she lives in UK and will send me a year worth of rent if I send her my address and keys first? Huh? Was I born this morning?

#3 - Why would a family with 4 kids and 2 adults try to rent my 2 bedroom townhouse with office. It's an office, not a 3rd bedroom. Them darn kids were running all over my place jumping and screaming. Hell Nah. They'd leave my place so damaged. Application DENIED!

Let's say a prayer for the market because I need it to snap back so I can get rid of these suckas!

1/8 Irish

So, anyone who has had a "race relations" debate with the Queen of Debators (that's me) should know how I feel about people of color not accepting what they are! So, I read some posts from some of my Sorority Sisters about Barack and his wife and the love they show in public. The Soror labeled her email, "Black Love." So, someone responded that it shouldn't be called "Black Love" because Senator Obama is not black, he's several different races. Give me a break! This man is clearly at the least put in the category of a Person of color. Additionally, he has a black wife from Chi-town and 2 black kids!

Why is it that Black folks always want to identify with something else? I'm convinced that society has brainwashed some of us to not LOVE our blackness! It brought me back to a friend of mine that said to me on St. Pats day that he's "1/8 Irish." WTH? 1/8? Then my cousin (he'll probably read this post lol). He had his race on myspace listed as "Indian and Black." Okay, if you can't call by name the Native American relative in your family, YOU'RE BLACK! This is one of the things that really gets under my skin. I'm sure that I may have something mixed up in my sauce just like many other black folks that are products of the US/Caribbean/Latin America/South America slave trade. However, I don't try to "reach" and be something else. I embrace my heritage and have no desire to be anything other than what my parents raised me as, a BLACK woman! Then on the flipside, I have bi-racial friends (They have a parent of a different race) that claim black unless asked for more details. So, why is that someone with a great great grandma that is Native American with every other face in their family black will shout from the mountain top that they are "Indian and Black?" It seems like the "blacker" we are the more we try and fight it and vice versa!

People, embrace your heritage. I love love love my brown skin. Love yours 2!

K-Swiss Word of the Day! lol

To My Readers: Please don't resond to this by telling me what you're 1/6 of either! lol

When did young black folks start doing drugs beyond weed?

A few years back, I met up wth an associate of mine at this bar that he was DJing at and after it ended he invited me to a house gathering. I figured it may have a nice crowd since the guy throwing it was a 30 year old black professional who owned a newly built home in Northern, Va. So, I felt secure with knowing that..WRONG! So, I walk in the door and all I smell is WEED! Ugh, I hate weed smell. Keeping in mind, I've HONESTLY never tried weed and/or cigarettes. Plus the crowd was mad young for it to be at a darn 30 year olds home! So, I said to myself, self, just stay for 30 minutes then leave. I didn't want to look like an uppidy kneegrow lol. So, as I stepped over the weedheads in the stairwell and tried to ger over the horrible stench of his unkept pets lingering in the house I see some YOUNG girls acting crazy. The 27 year old guy that was standing next to me states "Oh, that is just my girlfriend and her friends. Don't mind them they are on dippers." I respond "How old is she?" He says proudly "17." Disgusted at this I say, "What the hell is a dipper?" He laughs and says "Weed laced with embalming fluid." WTHHHH

Let me tell you, I grabbed my keyes so fast and got the hell up outta there. As I walked out I see some early 20 something black folks doing lines of cocaine. When I was growing up in my hood, young black people didn't do anything beyond REGULAR weed. It was so not cool to do anything else or you would have been labeled a CRACK HEAD and/or GEEKER!! Young black folks doing for real for real drugs is news to me or maybe I was just out of the loop! I hope the youth of today are not embarking on all this craziness out here. Taking pills, lacing stuff , and snorting anything is so NOT cool to me and quite crack-headish!


P.S. I'm still amazed that the little black chick on the current season of the Real World is a former meth-addict. WHAT black girl does Meth? I aint never heard of meth until I saw it on tv in Nebraska or somewhere. In the Roc they do weed and geekers do crack and heroin...well, black folks in the Roc.

So, I ask my readers (I'm so bootleg) if I'm just GLADLY out of the loop or is this quite common?